Domestic Abuse in Church Life

Domestic abuse is defined as “any incident or course of conduct of physical or sexual abuse; violent or threatening behaviour; controlling or coercive behaviour; economic abuse; psychological, emotional or other abuse; between those aged 16 or over who are personally connected to each other.” (Domestic Abuse Act 2021)

Domestic abuse doesn’t always involve physical violence but always involves emotional/psychological abuse. Controlling behaviour (in which the abuser seeks to make a victim subordinate to and/or dependent on them) and coercive behaviour (in which the abuser seeks to harm, punish or frighten the victim) are common features of domestic abuse.

For many Christians who experience domestic abuse, spiritual abuse is a significant feature in which scripture is misused to validate or justify abusive behaviour.

Domestic abuse is not solely confined to marriage relationships. Domestic abuse can also occur in dating relationships, between individuals whose relationship has ended, and between different generations in a family (for example, a child over the age of 16 abusing a parent).

Domestic abuse is sadly pervasive in our culture: around 1 in 4 people in the UK, over the age of 16, experienced domestic abuse. Domestic abuse is known to be underreported, so those statistics are likely to be conservative. Research carried out in one area of England suggests that domestic abuse is just as pervasive amongst church-goers as it is in the culture outside of the church, so we must be alert to it within our churches.

Churches affiliate to FIEC on a voluntary basis and are not managed or controlled by FIEC. They are by nature independent in practice and governance, being united around core theological convictions.

However, they are also independent charities, whether or not they are registered with the Charity Commission or OSCR, and the trustees of each church have responsibility for taking reasonable steps to protect those who come into contact with the church from harm.

Every church, therefore, must have a safeguarding policy setting out its commitment to safeguarding and outlining how it will do that in practice.

FIEC does not have responsibility for safeguarding in affiliated churches, but is committed to encouraging churches to think through wise and biblical pastoral care and safeguarding – through the provision of resources, guidance and links to specialist organisations. 

FIEC would advocate that all churches adopt a statement on domestic abuse and develop a framework to support those responding to it, alongside their safeguarding policy. The statement should encourage awareness, set out the church’s convictions, and explain how they will respond in practice.

There are other forms of abuse and offences which churches need to be aware of when considering domestic abuse, such as modern slavery and human trafficking (see Modern Slavery Act 2015), forced marriage, and female genital mutilation.

As our churches become more multi- and inter-cultural, it is important to recognise that there are cultural differences and possible language barriers in understanding and talking about domestic abuse. Cultural differences should not be used as a reason to explain away or justify abusive behaviours; rather, churches should seek to recognise and respond appropriately regardless of culture, heritage, or background.

Domestic abuse in any form is a desecration of God's image in others - whether the misuse of power is overt or covert, through words or through actions. When it is between a husband and a wife, it violates the one-flesh covenantal relationship with responsibilities and privileges given to one another that God established. 

Under no circumstances is abuse ever justified; neither is it ever the fault of the victim. Domestic abuse severely damages relationships and can destroy them beyond repair.

Christ’s self-giving love encourages flourishing, while domestic abuse seeks to stifle the victim’s autonomy through dominance, replacing love with fear. An act of abuse is never an act of Christian love.

Given this acknowledgement, FIEC affirms the following:

• Domestic abuse is a serious problem which occurs among church attendees as well as in wider society.
• Domestic abuse is not primarily an anger problem, a marriage problem, the victim’s problem or even a legal problem, but rather a sin problem.
• Domestic abuse, in all its forms, is sinful and incompatible with the Christian faith and a Christian way of living.
• Scripture should never be used to explain, validate or justify abuse in any form.
• All abuse is spiritually damaging for both the victim and the abuser and has collateral damage that extends to children, especially those in the home, extended family and close friendships.
• Domestic abuse should be a topic that people feel able and encouraged to raise within the church.

Each church has a responsibility to listen to, take seriously, support, and care for those reporting or affected by domestic abuse:

• Those who have experienced abuse should be encouraged and helped to consider their own safety (physical, emotional, psychological, and financial safety) and that of family members first, and to seek help from professional counsellors and legal resources.
• Victims will need pastoral support to bring healing and, only where it is possible, to the relationship.
• Church leaders need to be aware that the vast majority of domestic abuse victims are women being abused by men. In such situations, involving other women to offer pastoral care may be appropriate and indeed necessary.
• Perpetrators should also be encouraged to seek professional counselling and support; pastoral support may also be offered alongside this.
• When pastoral care or support is offered, the victim and perpetrator should never be seen together. This is highly likely to place the victim in further danger following the meeting.
• In line with the legal requirements, where children or adults with care and support needs who are at increased risk of abuse are involved, a mandatory referral should be made to social services (see Domestic Abuse Act 2021).

Where “victim” and “perpetrator” are used, it is understood that they are the “alleged victim” and “alleged perpetrator” as they have presented as such.

FIEC encourages its churches to:

• Teach what it means to be male and female image-bearers of God, equal in value, dignity and worth.
• Teach what healthy relationships look like and that domestic abuse, in all its forms, is a sin.
• Think through appropriate procedures and practices for responding to domestic abuse.

FIEC is committed to raising awareness of domestic abuse and encouraging churches to be well equipped to recognise and respond appropriately to abuse experienced or perpetrated amongst those in their church family.

It is good practice for every church to:

• Adopt a statement on domestic abuse.
• Develop a framework for responding to domestic abuse disclosures.
• Provide or facilitate training on responding to domestic abuse for those in leadership roles.
• Teach publicly, and as part of marriage preparation, on healthy relationships and abusive behaviours.
• To consider how they can publicly display information about domestic abuse and support services, whether they have their own building or not.