Gospel Resilience for Planters’ Wives

I always find the new academic year a bit strange.

I’m usually ready for routine again, feel re-energised for ministry and everyday life. But within a few weeks, I often find myself wondering when my next break is.

And to the younger planters’ wives reading this - let me tell you, this only becomes truer with age.

My husband often says that ministry life is "both beautiful and brutal". There are incredible highs - you get front-row seats to watch Jesus build his church - but you can also go through deeper lows. 

I’d like to share what I’d tell my 30-year-old self as she and her husband left a church of 800+ to replant what was a small Brethren assembly in Liverpool.

There’s a lot I could say, but I will share just two essential biblical principles that, after 16 years, stand out.

I could have quoted these to you back in 2009, but through life and experience, the Lord has made sure I am paying more attention to them now.

1. Pursue the Lord and his word

As I write, I’m currently reading through Proverbs - what a rich, challenging book!

I’m daily reminded how easily I listen to Lady Folly, even though her path leads to death; how quickly I can speak from self-righteousness or rush past time with the Lord because my to-do list feels more urgent.

But Proverbs points to the way of wisdom, and Psalm 1:3 tells us this looks like a tree planted beside flowing streams, bearing much fruit. Lady Wisdom invites us to delight in the Lord’s instruction, where we find life and flourishing, regardless of what’s happening around us.

So, this is the first principle: make time with the Lord your highest priority.

When life is good, it draws us into praise and gratitude.

When other voices are loud, it anchors us in truth.

And when things are hard, it builds the kind of gospel resilience that allows us to say, with Paul “I have learned to be content in all things” (Philippians 4:11) because our strength, our life, comes from Him.

2. Nurture gospel friendships and community

The second principle is this: prioritise deep gospel relationships.

I’m always struck by Paul’s greetings in his letters that are full of gratitude and care for fellow believers. In 2 Timothy, Paul expresses real sadness over those who left him, showing how much true brotherhood meant to him.

Jesus himself lived this. The gospels are full of him doing life with people, sharing meals, attending weddings, spending time at the synagogue. In Gethsemane, facing death, he asked his disciples to stay and pray with him. And right back in Genesis, God declared it was not good for man to be alone - because we bear the image of a relational God.

As planters’ wives, we can sometimes struggle to fully share life with others. Not because we don’t want to, but because we’re unsure if or how we should.

Either we don’t want to burden others or we aren’t sure what’s appropriate to share or who it's appropriate to share with.

This can typically be the case if we are facing very personal issues, maybe a challenge in our marriage, or some relational difficulty within the leadership community. 

I’m a big believer in doing life with those around you - both within the church and beyond. If you know me, you know I’m a people person, I am comfortable being open, and some may say I have a tendency to overshare! From the beginning, I was all-in when it came to doing life together with our church and community.

But what I did less well was having someone outside of my context, someone safe to process more sensitive things with. There were seasons I struggled unnecessarily because I didn’t know where to turn. It took me years to realise how valuable that outside perspective and support is.